Shifting Ground
Claiming What Cannot Be Taken from Us
It happened more than ten years ago. Yet given the state of the world we are currently navigating, this conversation could have taken place yesterday. It has stayed close to me all these years because of the honesty and presence of the man with whom I was speaking, and his willingness to remain with uncertainty in difficult times. I’ve re-created our conversation here as I remember it.
The man had come for coaching. We were meeting for the first time. Although he was a seasoned leader and currently running his own company, in that moment he was clearly feeling shaken. Our first few minutes together felt awkward—he was unsettled and nervous, pacing the room as if he really needed to talk, yet he didn’t know how to begin.
Finally, he stopped in the middle of the room and just started speaking. “I feel like the ground underneath my feet is shifting. There is no firm place to stand; nothing feels secure; nothing feels predictable or safe.”
He alluded to issues in his company and how they were beginning to spill over into his personal life. And then he looked down in silence. For a first conversation, we were already in deep.
I stood there with him in the silence for a moment, not sure if there was more he still wanted to say. He stared at the floor and then looked up at me, and I suggested that we sit.
Settling into our chairs, I began, “It’s ok. Take a breath.” And he did. “Let’s start with what’s going on inside of you. Tell me about that.”
He took another slow breath, and then one more, and his tension began to ease.
“It’s not exactly scary,” he started hesitantly. “And ‘afraid’ is not the right word. Everything just feels so uncertain, so… uneasy.” He paused, and then added, “And now that I’m sitting here, somehow it starts to feel strangely ok. Which surprises me, but it does. How could that be?”
“What makes it ok?” I asked.
Again, silence. Then, after yet another deep and long breath, he said, “I think it’s ok because, in the last few days, I’m starting to realize that, deep inside, I’m still who I am—I’m still me—no matter what’s happening around me.”
There was a palpable shift in the energy in the room. Like the room was charged with the kind of powerful tension that comes when something big is about to happen—more specifically, when something is breaking open.
We both could feel it, yet there was also an incredible stillness. We were hardly breathing. And I realized that my job in this session was mostly to hold space for his unfolding discovery. To hold space and let him talk. He was already well on his way in his own process, and right now, maybe I was here to be his witness.
I asked quietly, “So who are you, deep inside? No matter what is happening around you.”
There was another long silence, yet it didn’t seem like it was because he was searching for an answer. It felt like he was gathering courage to actually say out loud what he knew deep inside. The air in the room became even more charged as his vulnerability gave way to power and strength—the kind of authentic power and strength that can only come when we’re willing to be open and real.
He stood and crossed the room to look out the window into the trees. His eyes stayed there as he responded, “I know that I’m here for a reason—I mean in my life, not just this situation. And I know that there is a purpose in me being where I am right now. I’m able to meet groups of people where they are. I can find the best in them, even when they can’t. I can see their strength. And even though I don’t know how exactly, I somehow help them see that strength in themselves.”
Still gazing out the window, he continued, “I don’t know how to explain it, but something happens in the space in between us—between me and the people.”
“Safety. Confidence. Assurance.”
“It’s like something bigger than we are is holding us. And in that moment, we touch something deep inside of ourselves. Maybe not consciously, but it happens. It’s like, just for a moment, we meet on the soul level.” He paused again, and then added cautiously, almost under his breath, “Maybe that’s what this is all about.”
It felt like time had stopped. All the tension and electricity in the room had suddenly evaporated into stillness. And it felt like there was an unspoken acknowledgement between us that we were touching the power and resilience of the human spirit—that force inside of us that gives us life and breath—the source of being.
He crossed back to the center of the room, letting his own words sink in. “I can’t believe that I’m saying all of this. I never knew that saying these words out loud to someone else could be so powerful—and such a relief.”
He paused again before continuing. “I was taught that leaders don’t say things like this—that it makes you look soft and sentimental. And that’s not who I was supposed to be if I wanted to be respected and effective.” He chuckled softly. “Old school, I suppose. … It’s not working anymore.”
After another moment of quiet, he continued.
“But you know what? That kind of leader I was taught to be—it never felt like who I was.”
And then he looked at me. “Yes, I can be strong and decisive and create strategies and get people to do big things and accomplish big stuff—I can do all of that.”
“Yet right now, saying all of this out loud to you, I’m feeling more powerful than I’ve ever felt in my life. Authentically powerful. Humbly powerful. And I’m realizing that my real impact doesn’t come from all those things I can do. My real impact comes from the space I create for people to thrive.”
He walked to the window again in silence. And then he came back to his chair.
“Nothing has changed on the outside,
but everything has changed on the inside.
And right now, I’m touching
a power and a force within me
that I can never again not know.”
After another long silence, he looked around my space, looked at me, and then at the floor. Quietly, he acknowledged, “The ground is still shifting. And it’s going to keep shifting. Nothing in my life and work is stable right now, nor is it going to be any time soon. And that’s just how it is…. And somehow, I’m ok with that.”
“I know now that nothing can harm me at my center. No matter what happens on the outside. I’ve never claimed this for myself before.”
Another long silence.
And then he looked directly at me and quietly declared, “Who I am at my center is bigger than what is going on right now—bigger than anything that can happen to me.”
“And that’s the most important thing that I have to offer as a leader. My job now is to create a space that lifts all of us up—that opens up possibilities. And to cultivate a feeling in our company that we’re all in this together. That’s my job.”
He stood, picked up his jacket, and crossed back to gaze out into the trees once more. The sun was setting now. And something huge had just happened.
After a few moments, he turned to look at me and said, “We’re all in this together. The ground is shifting underneath all of us. Yet if we take care of each other, we’re all going to be ok. Thank you.”
And he was gone.
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Beautiful Alan! I learn so much from you. Grateful to know you