Meeting "Edges" of Fear, Sadness, Grief, Anger, and Disappointment

Partnering with the moment, opening possibilities

The opening lines of a recent article in The Atlantic by American journalist David Brooks capture some of my own feelings about what is currently happening in my country and in the world.

All my life I have had a certain idea about America. I have thought of America as a deeply flawed nation that is nonetheless a force for tremendous good in the world….

Until January 20, 2025, I didn’t realize how much of my very identity was built on this faith in my country’s goodness—on the idea that we Americans are partners in a grand and heroic enterprise, that our daily lives are ennobled by service to that cause. Since January 20, as I have watched America behave vilely… I’ve had trouble describing the anguish I’ve experienced. Grief? Shock? Like I’m living through some sort of hallucination? Maybe the best description for what I’m feeling is moral shame: To watch the loss of your nation’s honor is embarrassing and painful.

—David Brooks, from “I Should Have Seen This Coming” published April 7, 2025 in The Atlantic

Sadness, pain, anger, fear, sorrow, grief—for so many of us, they’re all free-flowing in the undercurrent of our awareness, thoughts, and emotions. I come back again to the last few lines of Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer’s poem, “Then I Stood There a Long Time,” that I shared last week,

There is no lovely way to put this.
…
It hurt.
A lot. But I got up. I got up.

I got up. Yet, how do we do that? How do we get up again and again, and keep going when pain, sorrow, anger, despair, grief weigh heavily in our hearts?

Last week, I wrote about meeting “edges”—physical or emotional places that feel uncomfortable, perhaps even dangerous or frightening. This week, we’re going deeper into ways of being with those edges without getting lost in them. Not running away from what is happening, but rather staying with it, sensing into the moment—sensing into the feelings, the emotions, and the through-line of the bigger story.

I say “through-line” because where we are and what is happening may be for now, but it’s not forever. Life is energy in motion. It’s fluid—constantly changing. Where we are right now is not the endpoint. It’s a point in space and time along a much longer continuum. The challenge, the difficulty, the sadness or grief, or the moral shame, to come back to David Brooks’ term, is not the final destination unless we choose that. Where we are is only a point in time and space that we are currently passing through. Unfortunately, it’s easy to forget that in the intensity of the moment, yet we will move on from here. We will find our way past what is happening now. I can’t tell you when or how, yet I am confident that, somehow, we will.

And so, back to the question at hand: How do we get back up and keep going? How do we process all that is happening around us and within us? How do we stay with it and find our way through it? How can we make everything ok again?

Photo by NEOM on Unsplash

We start by changing the question. Because asking How? in the face of enormous complexity is paralyzing. We don’t know how. And so, we stay where we are, and we get stuck. And the pain and grief and anger and sadness and disappointment becomes even more entrenched in our psyche.

Yet the reality is that nobody really knows how in situations like we’re in now. The only way we will find a path forward is by taking a first step, and then another one after that. And soon, we begin to sense direction. And we take the next step in that direction. And then we pause to sense again until the next step shows itself. Each step leads to the one after. And possibilities begin to open. We stop asking How? and we open our intuitive receptors to discover each next step.

Transformational Presence offers many simple yet powerful tools and frameworks to help us navigate big complex challenges and difficulties as well as great opportunities. Simple yet powerful tools to help us get across the “edges.” I created many of these tools on the spot in coaching sessions and while navigating life. In the coming weeks, we’ll explore several of them in hopes that they can serve you as you navigate the collective “edges” of these tumultuous times as well as “edges” in your personal life.

Push Against or Partner With

Today, we start with the foundational framework “Push Against or Partner With.” It’s part of the bedrock of Transformational Presence. For those who have read some of my books or participated in our courses, you may know it as “Push Against or Flow With.” However, in the last few years, “partner with” has felt truer to what the tool is really about than “flow with.” For many people, “flow with” implies a passive response while “partner with” implies a pro-active approach. “Flow with” can feel like “go with what’s happening anyway,” and that is not it. This is definitely a pro-active tool, although perhaps in a different way than you might think.

“Partner with” begins with sensing into the moment and into the possibility that there is a message that is trying to get your attention—that there is something that “wants to happen” that is not happening right now. And then partnering with that message or potential. It’s not about giving up or giving in. It’s about letting the moment show you what it wants or needs from you. It might be an action, yet it might also be asking you to stop what you are doing and be present with a feeling or emotion or thought that has been waiting for your attention.

The message or “what wants to happen” is likely to be about more than just you—it’s likely to open a bigger possibility than you might have imagined. As you open to the message, you may begin to sense a wave of energy to ride—a wave of energy that can, in fact, carry you. It might be subtle at first, yet if you “partner with it,” something begins to shift. I can’t tell you what it will look like to “partner with it”—that will be unique to your situation. Yet as you stay with it and pay attention, you will be shown.

Photo by Iraj Beheshti on Unsplash

So, let’s try it out.

Consider a challenge or difficulty or “edge” you are facing right now—something that won’t leave you alone. Just for a moment, no matter what your current relationship with this challenge is, push against it. Try to fix it or resolve it. Make something happen. See it as a problem that you must solve now and put all your attention and focus on solving it.

Notice how it feels to “push against” your challenge or edge—to manipulate it, to try to force a result. What happens with your breath? What is your overall sense of wellbeing? What happens in the space in between you and your challenge—your relationship to it?

Stay with “push against” for just a bit longer so that you feel its full effects.

. . .

Now take a deep breath and shake this “push against” focus and energy out of your system. And then take one or two more deep and full breaths.

. . .

Chances are, your challenge or your “edge” is still there. So, imagine that you can drop down underneath your challenge or lift high above it to a quieter space. Listen, sense, feel. There is something that is trying to get your attention, a message that’s trying to come through, or something that wants to shift or that wants to happen. What if, even for a moment, you partner with what wants to happen? And then, what if, even for a moment, you allow it to take the lead and guide you towards a next step? What if you partner with what wants to happen?

. . .

What’s different when you partner with instead of push against? What is happening with your breath? In your body? Your sense of wellbeing? What is happening in your relationship to the challenge?

. . .

What are you discovering? What is important for you to pay attention to?

. . .

“Push Against or Partner With” is a fundamental awareness tool in Transformational Presence. With a little practice, it can open possibilities everywhere. Throughout your day, pause to check in with yourself: Are you fully present with what is going on? And are you pushing against or partnering with?

The more you practice with the smaller stuff of everyday living, the more natural it will feel to approach the big challenges and “edges” in your life and in our world in the same way. Catching yourself when you realize you are “pushing against,” paying attention to sense what the situation is trying to show you, and then “partnering with” what wants to happen can make a huge difference. It opens possibilities and eases the way through the challenge or crossing the “edge.”

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Invitations

• Free recorded Meditations for Changing Times led by Alan. More than 50 guided meditations. Choose the title that speaks to you and listen. Available for free to you anytime.

• Visit The Center for Transformational Presence website

• Consider reading one of Alan’s Books

• Explore Coaching and Mentoring with Alan

• Invite Alan to Speak to your organization or conference

• Explore Upcoming Programs in Transformational Presence

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