As the U.S. government and the world order continues to break open, anger, worry, fear, disbelief, and denial are all in the air. Everyone has their own way of processing what is happening—or not. Yet inevitably, we meet “edges”—physical or emotional places that feel uncomfortable, perhaps even dangerous or frightening. Places that feel like cliffs we don’t want to get too close to, realities we don’t want to accept, situations we might rather run away from. Things that are hard to be with, whether personally, professionally, economically, societally, or maybe even all at the same time.
Yet here we are in this moment, meeting variations of the same “edge” all around the world. And part of the collective journey we’re on now—all of us together—is about meeting that edge.
The question is: How? Do we run away from it, or stand on this side of it, or cross over that edge into new and unknown territory? Today, we explore four options for how we can meet “edges,” no matter what they are, in our individual and collective lives.
To set the stage, we begin with a short poem from Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer:
Then I Stood There a Long Time
Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed.
—Mary Oliver, “It Was Early”There is no lovely way to put this.
It was sleeting. I am not going to tell you
how the gray sky unfolded like a somber rose,
how the misty air softened every dark
and barren thing. It was sleeting.
And slick. And when I fell, it hurt.
A lot. But I got up. I got up.—Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
There is such raw determination in Rosemerry Trommer’s poem. She doesn’t mince words. She’s totally honest. No pretending. No trying to soften the edges. It was sleeting. And slick. And when I fell, it hurt. A lot. But I got up. I got up.
I know what she speaks about from my own experience. Back in December on a very dark and incredibly cold night, I was walking alone from the independent movie theater in our little town to my car parked several blocks away. I wanted to save my friends from walking in the frigid cold, so I would come back to pick them up. I was walking fast along a narrow side street on the century-old uneven cobblestone brick sidewalk, in a hurry to my car as quickly as possible.
And then suddenly I tripped on the edge of a brick and went down, scraping my face, and breaking my glasses. I braced my fall with the heels of both hands, spraining them badly. And when I fell, it hurt. A lot. It took me some moments to gather myself—my whole system was in shock. The street was deserted. No one to help me. No broken bones. Just a very shaken presence. So, I got up. I got up. And slowly walked on to my car.
Approaching “edges” can feel like braving the storm, pushing on through the dark wind and sleet (freezing rain), scared that you might fall, scared that there is danger somewhere ahead, scared that you might lose your way, or something might be taken from you. And yet, the reality of “edges” is that we can only sense possibilities; there is no certainty, no guarantee. We don’t know what will happen if we cross the edge or step into the abyss.
It seems to me that there are four options for how we can meet “edges” when they show up in our lives, whether individually or collectively. All of them are legitimate ways of responding to “what is.” The key is that we are honest with ourselves about our choices.
Option #1—Turn and run away
The first option is to turn and run away. As you approach the “edge” or get closer to the situation at hand, you might feel, “There’s no way I’m doing this. It’s too much. It’s too risky. It’s too scary. I’m out of here.” And you turn and quickly walk away.
This is a perfectly legitimate response to what is happening, as long as you are honest with yourself about the choice you are making. It might be the right choice for the moment. You simply are not ready to meet this “edge.” And that’s ok. Just be honest with yourself about the choice you are making.
Option #2—Remain fully present without having to take action
The second option is to remain fully present without having to take action. To stay with what is happening—to walk right up to the “edge”—and stop. And breathe. And keep breathing. And stay there as long as it takes to start getting used to how it feels there. Just getting to know that spot. Letting the “edge” communicate with you however it does. It could be intuitive communication that comes as words, feelings, thoughts, or images. Or perhaps someone speaks to you, saying something you realize is important to pay attention to. Messages come in all kinds of ways.
This second way is all about staying present with the “edge” and just being with what is happening with no pressure to do anything. No pressure to take a step across the edge; no pressure to step into the fray of what is going on.
You might stay here for a few minutes or a few hours or a few days or even weeks. It’s all about giving yourself permission to remain present with what is happening around you and inside you without having to take action yet. Trusting that if you stay with it, in time, it will begin to show you a path forward.
This second option takes me back to that single line from Mary Oliver:
Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed.
—Mary Oliver, from “It Was Early”
And then to Brian Andreas’ word-art poem, “only itself”:
she stood there waiting
to see what the sea would
bring & the sea brought
everything she imagined:
grief & sadness & laughter
& wonder, because the sea
brought her only itself &
met her exactly where she was.—Brian Andreas
When we are willing to stand at the edge wherever we are and pay attention, life has a way of bringing us what we need. It meets us exactly where we are. Yet we have to be open and receptive. We have to remain present to receive.
This second approach is perhaps ultimately the most important and empowering one of the four, especially when we have been hesitating. Because we’re letting the moment talk to us. We’re listening, sensing, and feeling for what is real and what wants to happen next. We’re opening ourselves for guidance and direction. Or, in Mary Oliver’s words, we’re opening ourselves to be blessed.
Option #3—Testing the waters
I call the third option testing the waters—reaching a point inside yourself when you feel ready to take just one step across the edge or to step into the unknown for just a moment, with full permission to return to this side of the edge at any moment. You’re taking this step on your own terms. You might walk along the edge a bit, getting used to movement. You might step across, then return, and then step across again for a little longer. This third option is about giving yourself permission to “test the waters”—to see how it might feel to step across or step in and keep moving on. And it’s about taking the time that you need.
Option #4—”It’s time; here we go.”
And then we come to the fourth option—when you know deep inside It’s time; here we go.
There comes a moment when you know in every fiber of your being that it’s time. You might still be scared, yet some part of you is also filled with courage and clear determination. The time has come. You step across the edge, and you keep on going. No looking back. You may not have a clear plan, yet you know this is what now wants to happen. And so, you cross the edge, you step into the unknown, you go for it.
Which option is right for you right now?
As you come upon an “edge” in your life, whether it’s the collective edge the world is facing now or something in your personal or professional life, which option is right for you right now? Take your time to consider each one. You might even try each one out to see how they feel. And then as you gain clarity on what is right for you, at least for now, allow yourself to make that choice.
Be compassionate with yourself as you meet the “edge.” Be patient; be understanding. And stay with it. Be conscious about your choice. Give yourself permission to experiment with those four options and to choose consciously what is the right choice for you now.
Whatever the situation or the “edge” is, it may not get resolved today or this week—maybe not for some time to come. Yet avoiding it or “just not going there” takes a toll on your well-being. By making a conscious choice about how you will meet the “edge” you face, you reclaim your life. And in the end, you will move forward.
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Thank you for these four ways of being with the edges we encounter. So helpful and clear!
Thank you, Alan! I'll read this again and again. I notice edges with Nature, and I love the idea of bringing that noticing into the edges into my own daily life.