In Between the In Between
Between what was and what will be
For quite some time, I’ve felt like I was “in between” chapters of my life. In 2022, I chose to step back from leading multi-day Transformational Presence courses and programs throughout the Americas and Europe. Those programs had been the anchor for my professional life for nearly 20 years. My intention was to create more time for writing and for one-on-one coaching and mentoring, as well as to continue doing some speaking. And on the personal side, while I had an incredible community of friends and colleagues all over the world, and still do, I was longing for a sense of local community and closer friendships at home.
Two years later, my mentoring and coaching practice is strong, I’m loving writing weekly here on Substack, I’m doing some speaking, and I’ve taken on a couple of volunteer leadership roles in my community. Yet I sense there is something else waiting to take form. The previous chapter has come to an end; mentoring, writing, and speaking feel like a bridge to a new chapter; and possibilities are in the air for what will come next. However, so far, they are only “in the air.”
In the meantime, there is the “in between” in the politics and direction of my country. Uncertainty is everywhere. It seems that I am (and we are) constantly navigating between moving forces, and those forces are themselves navigating between other moving forces. Hence, “in between the in between.”
I have always found numerology helpful in an archetypal sense—not so much as a predictor of what is to come, but rather as a lens or a larger context through which to look at the unfolding of events, patterns, and trends in my own life as well as in the collective. It gives me another perspective and often deeper understanding about what is happening within me and around me.
Numerologically speaking, I stepped into a #5 year on my birthday in early April. In the nine-year numerological cycle, the fifth year is a time of rebalancing and unexpected change. It’s the half-way point in the cycle. In my own history, #5 years have brought periods of questioning, recommitting, realigning, and even transforming my perspectives, worldviews, presence, choices, and actions. The #5 year is all about refining the trajectory of the cycle for its second half. So, the #5 year is, in its own unique way, an “in between” period. Again, “in between the in between.”
The United States enters a #1 year on July 4th—the beginning of a new cycle. And universally, 2024 is a #8 year—a year of seeking balance between the spiritual and materialistic worlds. A #8 year tends to call forth ambition, diligence, hard work and success in bringing our visions, dreams, goals, and agendas to fruition. In this Great Breaking Open era, society has become overwhelmed with radically different visions from opposing forces for our future, resulting in conflicting agendas. Many of those visions and agendas are driven by powerful ambition, persistence, diligence, and sometimes manipulation. Because the United States is beginning a new nine-year cycle in July, the choices and actions U.S. leaders and citizens take over the next year will shape the trajectory of our country for the next decade, and reach far beyond our borders to impact the entire world. Again, “in between” where we have been and where we are going.
Looking ahead to summer and fall, many of us are wondering what will unfold in our personal lives as well as in our countries and in our world. New possibilities will no doubt be revealed for all of us, yet restlessness and uncertainty are likely to prevail, at least for now. Transformational Presence has taught me that no matter what is or is not happening, keep paying attention. There are messages everywhere.
This week, I happen to be on a beach in Florida. The rhythm of the waves and the boundary-free horizons of the sea and sky have been liberating for my thoughts and healing for my soul. Coming in from my early morning beach walk and meditation on the second day, I knew I had to write about this “in between” feeling. Looking for something to help me get started, I went to my “inspiration” file of quotes, articles, and writings. Within a few minutes, I came across a poem by Mary Inglis from the Findhorn Foundation. I remembered the moment that I first discovered this poem—it was in the middle of the COVID pandemic, and I felt like she was speaking directly to me. Perhaps her words will speak to you as well—maybe in a different way than they speak to me in this moment, but then that’s what really good poems do.
So, take a deep breath. And then another one. Let the energy of the words wash through your being.
Drop Away
by Mary Inglis
Drop away
Let go
Let the fingers of your mind and expectations
relax
and release their hold.
Just turn away.
There is a deeper mystery at the heart of things that is calling you,
Calling you by the name you’ve had since the beginning of time.
A mystery that is nameless as yet,
Wordless.
But tangible and tender
Steady and sure.
Its presence will light your way.
Trust it.
Mary Inglis’ words remind me once again that there is something bigger than me—a deeper mystery at the heart of things that is calling me, and that it’s always there to guide and support me. In fact, I call it Great Mystery, and I do, in fact, trust it. How you define or interpret what Mary Inglis calls the deeper mystery may be different than how I do, and that’s ok. That’s part of the beauty of poetry.
And then there’s that next phrase: Calling me by the name I’ve had since the beginning of time. I love the way she says that. It makes my soul smile. The mystery calls me in a way that reconnects me to who I know myself to be at the heart of my being. I confess, though, that sometimes, I forget to pay attention, especially when the “in between” times get intense or even overwhelming. Maybe that happens to you, too.
The poet-philosopher John O’Donohue used to say “a beginning is very innocent.” He described it as “a setting of something in motion, the destination of which remains a secret to all except itself.” Pat O’Donohue tells about this in the Foreword to his brother’s posthumous book Four Elements: Reflections on Nature.
Endings create beginnings; they go hand in hand. However, they aren’t always so neatly paired; there isn’t always a seamless flow, especially from ending to new beginning. There may be time and space “in between.” When I chose to end that big chapter in my professional life, I knew something new would begin. Yet I also had a feeling there would be an “in between” time—a transition time—a time of unravelling old patterns of being and creating, and allowing space and time for new patterns to show themselves. And so it is. I’m in the “in between” space—between what was and what will be.
My country is ending a nine-year cycle in July and will begin a new one. There is great uncertainty about what is, in fact, drawing to a close and what a new beginning will bring. We’re “in between the in between.” Yet I have great hope in the deeper mystery at the heart of things that is calling us, Calling us by the name we’ve had [as a country, as a people] since the beginning of time.
Our personal journeys, as well as what is happening in our countries, are all contributing to how 2024—a #8 year—will continue to unfold. As John O’Donohue would have said, things have been set in motion, and the destination or outcome remains “a secret to all except itself.”
In the coming days and weeks, may you touch the deeper mystery at the heart of things that is calling you by the name you’ve had since the beginning of time. May its presence light your way. And may you find the trust that feels right for you.
This time I listened, Alan. That was such a good experience to hear your voice speaking this words of in between. I felt the words in my body, they resonate and bringing up my own in -between experiences, and the mysterious and profound knowing of the whispering of my name...
Interesting to think about your words on different levels. Sometimes I am in between projects, some days I am in between several different family relationships in the same 8 hour period, and always - I am in between breaths. Stopping and pausing at any of these stages can bring surprising insights.