When you've done what is yours to do...

...and it's time to pass it on.

Jun 04, 2025

1×

0:00

-8:56

There are times in our lives when we feel called to step forward in a particular role or to serve or make a difference in some way. And then there are moments when we realize it’s time to step back. That might be hard to do, especially when we feel a strong sense of responsibility. And yet, deep inside, we know it’s time.

Just over seven years ago, I came across David Whyte’s short essay, “Vulnerability,” first published in December 2016. One sentence from that essay struck a particularly deep chord within me then, and still does now. I’ve written about it several times over the years and included it in talks, and today it comes up again.

The only choice we have as we mature is how we inhabit our vulnerability, how we become larger and more courageous and more compassionate through our intimacy with disappearance.
—from “Vulnerability” by David Whyte

Many of us contribute to this world in our own ways. We create things, we lead projects, we serve organizations, we take care of those we love—we make a difference in one way or another. Our efforts may be small in scale or large; they may involve many people or just a few. Yet when we give ourselves to something, chances are it’s because it matters to us. In some way, it feels important.

Perhaps this resonates for you. Something calls out to you, you invest yourself. It feels like this is yours to do.

person in blue denim jeans walking on beach during daytime — Photo by Piotr Musioł on Unsplash

And then, as time goes along, the project or organization develops and evolves. And so do you. And so do your passions and your personal needs, wants, and desires. You cross thresholds into new chapters in your life. And then comes a moment when you realize you have done what was yours to do, and now it’s time to step away or pass it on.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that the project is completed or that the work is done. In fact, it may not be. Yet you realize that you have done what was yours to do. You’ve taken it as far as you can. And now it’s time to pass your role and responsibilities on to someone else who will take it forward.

That may or may not be easy. You might feel relief at the idea of stepping aside, yet you’re also anxious, not convinced things will continue on in good hands. You might feel unsure about how others will receive your decision. Some part of you might even feel guilty for walking away.

Yet deep in the heart of your being, you know it’s time. This is no longer yours to do. It’s time to take David Whyte’s words to heart—to inhabit your vulnerability and become larger and more courageous and more compassionate with yourself and others as you become intimate with your own disappearance.

Throughout my life, I have given my best to many creative and artistic endeavors, to many leadership and teaching and coaching roles with both individuals and large groups. I’ve had some great successes and some big disappointments. Through it all, I know I’ve touched many people’s lives. And I’ve learned more about myself and human nature and how life works. And I’m grateful for all of it.

Yet there were also moments when what was mine to do was finished. I had fulfilled my purpose there. And it was time to pass that project or role on to others and to create space for what would call out to me next.

All of this is incredibly present with me right now because I’ve just stepped back from a volunteer leadership role I’ve held in my community for the past three years. Fulfilling that role was one of the most challenging experiences of my life—at times, incredibly painful and stressful. Yet I learned a lot, I grew as a person, and I know that I made a difference in this community.

A few months ago, when it became clear to me that this job was no longer mine to do, I shared with my fellow Board members that it was time for me to step back and for someone else to step into that role. We began laying the groundwork for my exit, and just one week ago, I passed the leadership on to a successor. Through this process, I once again found deeper courage and compassion as I’ve became even more intimate with my own disappearance.

Having the courage, compassion, vulnerability, and strength to step forward, to be seen, to take on leadership and response-ability and to make a difference, is desperately needed in today’s uncertain world. Saying “Yes” to what is yours to do. Recognizing who the moment is asking you to be and what it is asking you to do. And then bringing your full focus and attention and presence to it.

Yet equally important is having the clarity, courage, and strength to recognize and acknowledge what is no longer yours to do. And to trust that it’s now someone else’s to do, and that whoever that may be will hear that calling and step forward.

David Whyte’s words again:

The only choice we have as we mature is how we inhabit our vulnerability, how we become larger and more courageous and more compassionate through our intimacy with disappearance.

How about you? What is yours to do right now—yours to give your heart and soul and mind and time and commitment to? Something that will serve your own growth and development as well as serve others—serve something more than just you. Whatever that is, if it calls out to you and you know it’s yours, say “Yes.”

And at the same time, when there’s something that it’s time to graciously and compassionately disappear from—when something is no longer yours to do—be true to yourself and to everyone involved. If it’s time for you to step back, trust that there is someone else whose time it is to step forward. And do it.