Setting My Heart Right

Staying Close to Myself

In the midst of the continuing clamor of the world and making conscious choices about how to be with it, I keep coming back this week to wise words attributed to the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius:

To put the world right in order,
we must first put the nation in order;

to put the nation in order,
we must first put the family in order;

to put the family in order,
we must first cultivate our personal life;

we must first set our hearts right.

—Confucius

Setting our hearts right. Setting my own heart right. Some days, that feels like a tall order. And yet it’s the starting place. We start by setting our own hearts right. Which, for me, means standing in integrity with myself. Living consciously. Being intentional in my responses to what is happening in my inner world as well as the world around me. And that starts with being honest with myself about what I’m thinking and feeling, especially about the things that keep me awake in the night.

Photo by Anukrati Omar on Unsplash

And then, instead of running away from them, walking towards them in my awareness. And sensing what it is, in fact, that is unsettled in my own heart—in my inner world.

So many mornings in that pre-dawn liminal space when I wake up on shaky ground, I hear my heart whisper the phrase I learned from my Dutch friends nearly 20 years ago: “Stay close to yourself.” And then I whisper back to myself for my own hearing those opening and closing lines from David Whyte’s poem, “Start Close In” that I’ve written about so many times:

Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.

—from David Whyte’s poem “Start Close In”

And I ask myself what is the step I don’t want to take? Just asking the question already eases my breath. It’s the beginning of walking towards it. It’s almost never a step in the outer world. It’s almost always a step deeper into some part of me—deeper into being, deeper into presence. And I’ve learned that, if I’m willing to go there, I will find my way, even through the thoughts and feelings and situations my mind would prefer to ignore. Or even deny. So, the first thing close in is the acknowledgment of what is real—of what is not right in my heart—of what I’m resisting meeting by not breathing deep into my belly, deep into my bones.

It’s often easier, or at least more habitual, for many of us to go straight to the second step or the third. It’s so easy to get lost in the expectation that we should jump into action—that we should do something to “fix” what isn’t working—that there must be something we can do.

Yet having gone down that road too many times, I’ve learned that I need to be clear in my intention and presence before rushing in to “do something.” When my heart isn’t right, my action isn’t likely to be either. If I haven’t started with the first step close in, I’m more likely to trip over the second step and maybe even fall at the third. Because I’m not clear inside. And I’m reacting to what is happening around me out of some sense of obligation or perceived expectation, whether mine or someone else’s, instead of responding from the core of who I am with clarity and purpose.

Setting my heart right. After writing two weeks ago about making hope real and then, last week, about finding blessing and rest in my heart in the dawn light at the Maine seacoast, I keep checking in with myself. I’m staying close to myself. I’m living close in in ways that are not always comfortable in the first moments. Yet as I breathe and allow space and presence, my heart usually gets quiet. And in that quiet, I get clear again about who I am and why I’m here, and therefore, what is mine to bring.

As I often say, it’s a practice. And it gets easier when I keep the practice going. Not just once a day; rather, throughout the day and night. And so right now in this moment, I’m cutting to the chase with Confucius’ words, going straight from the first line to the last:

To put the world right in order…
I must first set my own heart right.

Invitations

• Free 20-minute Monday Meditations with Alan on Zoom—Mondays at 10 am ET / 16:00 CET through November 17th. Theme: “Navigating Unsettled Times.” Join Alan and like-hearted people from around the world for meditation and reflection. Register for weekly reminders. Participate live or listen to the recordings at your convenience.

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