When you have a lot on your plate, there’s a difference between trying to “carry the load” and simply being present with all that is going on and letting it show you each next step. It’s the difference between “taking responsibility” for it all and choosing to be “response-able”.
So, here I am with a lot on my plate. For the last few weeks, it has seemed that every moment was spoken for. Multiple projects and requests, and more responsibilities at the same time than I want anymore. I do, in fact, love a lot of it—especially the creative parts. Yet with things I’m not loving so much, I wonder what I was thinking when I said “Yes”.
But then that’s not really being honest. I know what I was thinking. I saw a need and I felt like I could make a difference. And I am. And it’s draining. Because I got caught up in trying to carry all of it.
A few years ago, in another moment when I had a lot going on, I saw a quote from American college football coach Lou Holtz:
It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
My first thought was, “Well, almost, but not quite. What breaks you down is not the way you carry the load. What breaks you down is that you to carry it at all!”
So, I stopped. My mantra became: Set it all down. Not just some of it. All of it.
I was very clear that Set it all down was not the same as turning my back on “the load” or shirking responsibilities. Set it all down meant removing the weight of “responsibility” for things that were not, in fact, mine to do, and becoming more “response-able”. It meant I stopped trying to carry the load and instead committing to being fully present with it. To listen to it. To trust that if I paid attention, it would show me what I needed to know.
Indeed, I found that when I set it all down and gave both myself and the load some breathing space, I began to find a new way to be with all that was on my plate. There was much less pressure. Because I was no longer trying to carry the load, I could better serve what wanted to happen.
So, back to this week—here I was again trying to carry the load. I got lost in all there was to do. And then in the middle of the night, I remembered: Set it all down. All of it.
We all have worries and concerns, some more than others. There’s a lot going on in our families, our companies, our communities, in the world. Most of us want to live a fulfilling life, to support those we love, to help those who need it, to hold space for difficult situations, to do what needs to be done.
However, trying to “carry the load” of any situation, whether literally or metaphorically, is usually not the answer. Much as we hope it will help, carrying the situation on our shoulders or in our hearts is not going to fix it or make it right. Taking on responsibilities that are not, in fact, ours is exhausting. Everyone must walk their own journey—no one can walk our journey for us, nor can we walk theirs for them. We’re all on our own learning paths.
What we can do, however, is be fully present with what is happening. We can show up with our full attention and awareness. We can use all our intelligences—heart, gut, and head—to listen, sense, and feel what is at the core of the situation and work from the inside out. We can walk alongside one another, give each other a hand for steadiness or a shoulder to lean on in hard times. We can support one another in finding the clarity, strength, courage, and focus needed to go forward.
Doing that with coaching clients and workshop participants has always come easily for me. However, when it comes to people and circumstances closer to home, to situations which threaten something that I hold dear, or to social and political issues about which I am passionate, it gets harder. And sometimes I get so wrapped up in what is happening that I don’t realize I’m starting to carry it—to take responsibility for making it all right. When that happens, I have to bring myself back to “response-able” and to that simple mantra: Set it all down. All of it.
Staying with that intention and focus the last few days, I discover once again that when I don’t try to “carry” the people and situations that worry or concern me, I can make more of a difference. I can be more present and available for what I truly can bring to the moment. I can cut through the “noise” of the situation and get to the essence.
And it’s at the essence that transformation happens. Transformation is an inside job. It happens because there is a shift in how we see things, how we think, and we sense and perceive what the situation is really about. And that leads to clearer, more intentional, and more effective action.
What is the load you are trying to carry? What are the worries and concerns that occupy your mind and heart? What could be possible if you stopped trying to “carry” them and set them down? If you stopped taking responsibility for the situation and became more “response-able”?
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Resources:
· The Center for Transformational Presence
Able to carry, able to response...consciousness...is good to realise, thank you...