On Becoming Seventy

Purpose and Direction for My Eighth Decade

This week, I celebrate my 70^th birthday and enter my eighth decade. I admit it’s a bit sobering as I realize in a variety of ways I’m not as young as I used to be! Yet it’s also opening new doors of possibility. I’m meeting myself in new ways, and I’m clear about my purpose and direction going forward, at least as this new decade begins.

Years ago, my dear friend Catharina Menet, who would have celebrated her 100^th birthday this year, said to me, “There will come a day when you stare into the mirror in disbelief, and you wonder, ‘How did this happen?’” Indeed, her prediction was right, yet maybe not for the reasons she thought.

Throughout my adult life, I’ve felt very close to my father. He was greatly loved as a minister and pastor, as a preacher, and later in his career, as a national leader in the church. He was a great role model for me. After he retired, he became very involved in interfaith communities and taught seminars exploring many faith traditions and the many names and ways of talking about God. After he had been following the interfaith path for a while, he wrote me a beautiful letter about how I had become a role model for him. In June 2010 on the last night of his life, I sat beside his bed all night long softly singing spirituals. I knew he was on his way to the crossing, and in the early morning light, he took his last breath.

Within the next couple of hours, I experienced a profound transference of energy from his spirit to mine. Ever since then, when I’ve looked into a mirror, I’ve often seen his face looking back at me before seeing my own. It was like he was living on in this world through me. Not in a controlling or manipulative way, but rather as deeply powerful love. The essence of my father was now alive in me, lifting me up and supporting me in my own authentic presence for my work in the world.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

In the last few months, however, the mirror image has been changing. Instead of seeing his face, I feel like I’m looking into my own face, yet it’s the face of a man I’m just beginning to know. Yes, he’s older—he has silver hair—yet I’m looking into the face of a deeper, purer essence of me than I’ve seen before. I’m sure that essence has always been there. It’s just that since I stepped back from travel and teaching a couple of years ago, there has been more time for reflection, stillness, mentoring, and writing. More space for deeper dives within, more space for richer layers of compassion to emerge, more space for deeper acknowledgment of who I am becoming at the core of my being and what matters to me now.

Looking back, becoming forty, fifty, and sixty were incredibly liberating and empowering milestones, each in their own unique ways. And turning seventy is as well. Yet this milestone feels different. I’ve heard people older than me say the same thing; now I understand. Seventy is inviting another level of reflection on the incredibly blessed life I’ve lived until now. And it’s steering me towards a more contemplative view of the new chapter that’s calling me forward.

It's not lost on me that I celebrated my 65^th birthday just weeks into the COVID pandemic. I spent that day quietly at home, alone with Johnathon and our dogs just like everyone else was at home. The world was shut down. At that time, many of us thought that surely this life interruption would soon pass, and all would return to normal. We all know how that turned out!

Now as I turn seventy, we’re ten weeks into a new government in my country—a sharp turn that is getting sharper every day not only for us in the U.S., but for much of the world. Every day brings new announcements, more disruption, more disbelief, and more uncertainty.

So, as I enter my eighth decade, on the surface, I feel unease, concern, and, I admit, periodic moments of doubt and fear. Yet I’m also getting better at staying anchored in my core, more centered and grounded, for longer periods of time. Which allows for a broader picture and context for all that continues to break open. A further discussion about that is not for now, yet that awareness gives me more breathing space. I’m grateful every day for Transformational Presence. I’m grateful for life-long study of Hermetic Principles and the human energy system, and for forty years of reflective practice.

The last few weeks, I keep coming back to some simple and direct words of American novelist and activist Anne Lamott:

To live a good life is to decide to stop living unconsciously, and to make a decision that you are going to wake up to all that is beautiful and holy and that still works.

There is so much that is still beautiful and holy, even in all this craziness. And the still works part reminds me to keep a sense of lightness as I navigate. As much as it feels like everything is coming apart, the simple basics of life still work.

She went on to say:

And to remember that if you want to have loving feelings, you need to do loving things, and you just keep doing these actions that are about awareness and that are about love, and that somehow are helped along by learning to breathe, you know, left foot, right foot, left foot, breathe.

—Anne Lamott

In other words, keep it simple. If you want to have loving feelings, do loving things. Don’t make it more complicated than that. It’s about awareness and love and staying focused on simple things like left foot, right foot, left foot, breathe.

Navigating all that is breaking open in our lives and in the world is a constantly shifting and changing proposition. And that’s not going to end any time soon. The landscape and terrain are going to keep changing, and it will be easy to get lost in complexity and get overwhelmed. So Anne Lamott reminds us to keep it simple. Just look for one next step and take that step. And that step will then lead to the next.

Purpose and Direction—Two Mantras and Three Touchstones

Ten years ago this week on the Center for Transformational Presence blog, I published “12 Keys for Transformational Living—Wisdom from My First 60 Years.” While those 12 Keys still hold true for me, ten years later, I’m living and expressing them more simply. They are summed up in two mantras and three touchstone prompts that have become the solid ground beneath my feet.

First, the Transformational Presence mantra:

Stand tall.
Be love.
Shine your light.

Simple, powerful, straightforward. For me, that mantra is the essence of living.

A second mantra came to me in meditation in the first few days of this year. I call it my Words to Live By—simple, basic instructions for how to live the first mantra.

Live simply…
Love fully…
Walk with…
Carry nothing…
Let yourself be held…

I say these words to myself every morning in meditation and then throughout my day. They remind me of who I am and why I’m here. They remind me about what is mine to do and what is not. They give me purpose and direction.

They hold great wisdom. Live simply and Love fully feel like the foundation for everything I am and everything I do—at least in how I strive to live.

Walk with reminds me that I am not responsible for anyone or anything outside of myself. However, I am “response-able” to live authentically and with integrity every day. I am “response-able” to walk beside others and support them as best I can as they walk their journeys. I am “response-able” to do my part to create a world that works.

Carry nothing takes that guidance a step further: be aware of what is mine to carry, and what is not. Don’t carry what is not mine, and don’t ask someone else to carry what is mine. And in fact, must I carry even what is mine? What if I choose instead to walk with it and partner with what it is asking men to learn?

Let yourself be held reminds me that I am not alone. Ever. I am held in grace and love, and I can lean in and let myself be held and supported, no matter the opportunity or challenge.

Some days I wish I had had these simple guiding words much earlier in my life, yet if I’m honest, I’m not sure I could have fully embraced them until now.

The Three Touchstones came to me as meditation prompts in the summer of 2021 when the world was still in the throes of COVID. Addressing them one after the other in their specific order brings me quickly to full presence and focuses my awareness on what is important in the moment.

I am…
I trust…
I invite…

While these touchstone prompts often help me see patterns and trends in the larger context and flow of my life, they are designed to heighten my awareness of right here, right now.

I am…. This prompt takes me straightaway to where I am on the spiritual / mental / emotional / physical spectrum in this moment, and how I am showing up. The state of my being right now. It’s not so much about who I am in the bigger picture. It’s an honest, unvarnished, raw assessment of how I feel, what I’m thinking, and how I am showing up now.

I trust…. The biggest surprise for me when I first started working with these touchstones was that I am often more conscious of what I do not trust before I can identify what I do trust. Trust has many layers, many facets, many degrees. When I am totally honest in my response to the I am prompt, I’m more likely to recognize what is true for me around trust. And more likely to be able to step beyond judgement. The less I “think” about my response, the simpler and clearer it becomes.

I invite…. How I complete or respond to this third prompt is informed by how I completed the first two. When I am honest with myself about the state of my being and presence, and clear about what I trust in the moment, I know what energy or quality to invite. It might be love or courage or honesty or playfulness or creativity or strength or compassion or something else. Extending the invitation creates intention and informs the space I hold for what is happening within me and around me.

Purpose and direction for my eighth decade? It’s simple. Living into those two mantras and checking in every day with the three touchstones. Living into the six Back to Basic verbs for conscious living. And continuing to cultivate blessed emptiness within myself as I lean into the eternal present. That’s it.

And as for action, keep doing what I’m doing—writing, mentoring, coaching, and holding space for our world.

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Invitations

• Free recorded Meditations for Changing Times led by Alan. More than 50 guided meditations. Choose the title that speaks to you and listen. Available for free to you anytime.

• Visit The Center for Transformational Presence website

• Consider reading one of Alan’s Books

• Explore Coaching and Mentoring with Alan

• Invite Alan to Speak to your organization or conference

• Explore Upcoming Programs in Transformational Presence

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