I'm not lost; I just don't know where I am

Shining Light into Darkness

May 21, 2025

a man standing in a field holding a lantern — Photo by The Prototype on Unsplash

1×

0:00

-4:35

It was one of those
“light”
conversations when
you both recognize
there’s something
profound happening,
even thought neither of us
acknowledged that out loud.
Something was
shifting inside, yet
we were both holding it
“lightly”
so we could make it
through the conversation
without too much angst.
At the same time, I sensed that
the conversation was shining
“light”
into deep inner
darkness within both of us.

My friend shared a quote,
source unknown:
“I’m not lost;
I just don’t know where I am.”

And those words went
straight to my core.

And we smiled and
diverted our eyes and
maybe even
laughed a little, and
soon drifted on to
other topics.

Yet for me
that conversation feels like
maybe, just maybe,
it was the beginning of
the end of
a life-long quest
for inner peace and
acceptance.

I didn’t have those words
in that moment—
they’re only coming to me now
in the early morning
darkness as it turns to light—
in that mystical illuminating
liminal space
that has guided me
for years.

Indeed, I’m not lost.
I’m on the long liminal road from
who I’ve been and
where I’ve been to
who I’m becoming and
where I’m going.
The long liminal road of
healing into wholeness.
The long liminal road of
liberation—
liberation of my ever-evolving
soul that is both human and divine.
Setting my soul free to
soar high and wide in the
boundless and infinite
“light” at the
heart of my being
in a wide open
universe.

It’s been a lifetime in coming.
And this last stretch of road has been
incredibly intense. Yet also still.
And also flowing. Like being
squeezed in a vice grip yet
at the same time
slipping through effortlessly
like liquid golden “light.”

I’m not lost;
I just don’t know exactly where I am.
But I do know the stretch of road I’m on.
And I sense I’m soon coming to
a new resting place—a new
wholeness place—
a new “handing over” place.
And I know I’m in the “light”
and that the “light” is shining
through me.

I know my patterns—the recurring
cycles over many decades. And therefore,
I know I could slip back
into that familiar darkness.
Yet I also know that
every time I do, I find my way
to even more brilliant
“light.”
It’s been my process—
my journey.
And it’s ok.

I’m not lost;
I just don’t know where I am.
But I do know who I am.
And I know the road I’m on
even if I don’t know
precisely where I am
on that road.
And that’s enough.
That’s enough.