Every Heart Has Its Own Story

Coming Home to Yourself

Nov 13, 2023

We were sitting at her dining room table drinking tea. I was about 12 years old; she was well into her 70s. She lived next door to my family, yet every afternoon after school I went directly to her house before going home. This was our special time. We talked about everything from religion to politics to antiques to school to ethics to music to ancestors and heritage. When we discovered that our family trees might have intersected many generations back, she became Cousin Lucy.

Although she came from a well-to-do family, Cousin Lucy lived quite simply. She rarely left her house; everyone came to see her. She occasionally smoked a pipe, created tiny houses and figures out of clay and made up stories about them, insisted that a tea mug must be “comfortable,” and wrote recipes in pencil directly onto the orange wall of her very old-fashioned kitchen. She was eccentric and wise and practical and authentic. She lived her own truth. She taught me about life and helped me grow up to be who I am.

So, back to our tea. Earlier that day, her great-nephew and his wife had come to her for advice. They were young and struggling, and she knew in her generous heart that they each had to follow their own paths, even if that meant letting go of each other. But this was the 1960s in the American south; divorce was scandalous.

That afternoon, Cousin Lucy talked with me about struggle—about how life can be hard and how each person has to be honest with themselves and choose what is right for them. She talked about how sometimes people judge one another unfairly and say hurtful things. And then she looked me straight in the eye and said: “As you grow up, don’t ever forget: Every heart has its own story.”

More than 50 years later, that moment remains seared in my memory. Every heart—my heart, your heart—has its own story.

When you forget who you are, start close in

With all that is going on around us and within us, it can be easy to forget who we are. What about you? What is your story? Not just the story you tell yourself about who you must be or what you should think or feel or do. What is your heart story? Who are you deep in the heart of your being? What is important to you at the heart level? What is your heart calling you to live?

One of my favorite poems of David Whyte is “Start Close In”. The opening and closing lines of the poem are:

Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.

When I first started teaching in The Netherlands more than 15 years ago, I occasionally heard program participants say quietly, “I have to stay close to myself.” It was always when a situation was calling them be authentic and true to themselves. To know who they were, and to honor that.

Sometimes life pulls us in many directions at the same time. Responsibilities weigh heavily. Obligations, unspoken expectations, repeated asks for help, feeling like we have no control over situations. Times when we feel misunderstood or not seen for who we really are. When that happens, it’s easy to lose touch with ourselves and why we’re here. We can start to feel lost and alone.

Every heart has its own story. My heart. Your heart. There is a path you are here to walk, a unique presence you can bring, things that are yours to do. There is a purpose for your life. Your soul has a mission.

When you feel like you are losing touch with yourself, it’s time to start close in—to stay close to yourself. To carve out some time to be with yourself in quiet and stillness. Not to jump to the second step or the third, as David Whyte writes, but to take the first step close in. The step you might not want to take. There may be a cost to taking that step, yet in the end, not taking it might cost even more.

Even if your life is full and you think there is no time, start with five minutes. If at first it feels more like rest than reflection, it’s ok. It’s a start. Come back home to yourself. This very simple exercise can be a good place to begin.

Exercise: Coming Home to Yourself

Step 1—Find a restful place where you can sit quietly or where you can walk alone. Begin by feeling the clothes on your skin—becoming aware of your body right here, right now. Take your time.

Step 2—If you are sitting, feel your body in the chair and allow the chair to support you. If you are walking, feel your feet as they touch the ground and the movement of your arms, legs, and torso through space. Bring your attention to your body in motion. Again, take your time.

Step 3—Become aware of your breath as it comes in and goes out. Let it find its own natural, steady, even rhythm. Allow your breath to continue helping you land in your body—let your breath welcome you home to you. If you are sitting and your eyes want to close, let them close. Keep breathing.

Step 4—As you continue, breathe into the bottom of your body. If you are sitting, breathe into the chair. Imagine that as you breathe, the chair breathes. If you are walking, breathe into the ground under your feet. Imagine that as you breathe, the ground also breathes. Give yourself the time you need.

Step 5—Breathe into your bones—into your physical structure. Slowly breathe again. And once more. And then breathe into the center of your chest and the upper middle of your back between your shoulder blades. Slowly. And again. And once more. As you continue this breathing, allow yourself to come home to your heart. Whatever that means for you is fine. Give yourself this time and space.

Step 6—Ask your heart what it wants you to know about who you are. What is the call of your heart today? Rest in whatever story your heart tells you. Give yourself space and time. Keep breathing and feeling the clothes on your skin. Keep breathing into your bones. Stay with it a bit longer.

~ ~ ~

Maybe this exercise helps you come home to your heart for the first time. Or perhaps it calls you back to a place you recognize yet have temporarily lost touch with. It’s all ok.

Do this practice once or twice a day for a few days, and soon I’ll be back with a follow-up practice to take you further.

Every heart has its own story. Your heart has its own story. Let it speak. Remember who you are. Come home to yourself.

~ ~ ~

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