Choosing How You Show Up

Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, Relationally

As political, economic, social, and ethical confusion and chaos escalates across the globe, uncertainty has become the buzzword of the day. Meeting the moment continues to be challenging—staying present with what is happening, knowing where to go or what to do. And so, this week we explore another tool to help you meet today’s “edges”—physical or emotional situations or circumstances that are unsettling, challenging, perhaps even frightening or dangerous.

As structures and systems continue breaking open or are systematically taken apart or destroyed, the undercurrent of urgency increases. Two questions that I pose often feel more relevant with each passing day:

Who do we choose to be?

Who do we choose to be together?

Which leads me to two more questions:

What are these times asking of us?

How do these times need for us to show up?

It seems to me that the biggest thing these times need from us is centered, grounded presence. Especially when we feel that urgency pressing at our backs—pressing us to do something, even if we don’t know where to begin. While there are no quick fixes and no easy solutions for the complexities of these times, there is, in fact, a clear starting place. And that starting place is wherever we are now. Both individually and collectively.

We can only meet the moment and face our “edges” from where we are—not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Which means it’s important to be aware of where we are, at least as best we can in the moment. To be aware of which emotions are fueling our choices and actions. To be mentally and spiritually aware of the big-picture context of what is happening and the ramifications of our choices and actions. Again, as best we can. To be aware of our relationships to what is happening and to the people involved, and how those relationships are impacting how we show up. To be aware of unconscious reactions that get triggered, even as we aim to be centered and grounded, acting in conscious response. It’s all about recognizing our “come from” places—where we “come from” by default as well as by conscious choice. So that we can choose how we show up with conscious awareness and be intentional in our response to what is happening.

And so, this week we explore the Transformational Presence framework “Four Levels of Engagement”—four primary levels of awareness from which we engage with everything. We’ll clarify where you are now, and then use an exercise to help you consciously choose the level that will best serve as you meet the moment or the “edge” in front of you now.

Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash

Four Levels of Engagement

Just like “Push Against or Partner With” that we worked with last week, the Four Levels of Engagement are foundational to the Transformational Presence approach. It’s the first coaching tool I created nearly 25 years ago, and it remains one of the first tools many of our leaders, coaches, consultants, and facilitators introduce to those they serve. Affectionately called the “DiSCO model,” it’s a simple yet powerful framework that anyone can relate to right away.

The Four Levels of Engagement are:

Drama (D)
Situation (S)
Choice (C)
Opportunity (O)

Acronym:
DiSCO, with the “i” standing for
“information.” There is
information available
at every level.

No matter the circumstance we find ourselves in, we tend to meet it from one of these four levels or “come from” places. The framework provides a structure for quickly cutting to the core or essence of what is going on, recognizing your default reactions and responses, and discerning which level will best serve both you and the bigger picture going forward. The simplicity of the framework rapidly expands your awareness and thinking, helping you find your way forward. The level through which you engage with the people and circumstances around you can impact your own experience significantly as well as the energy and dynamics of what is happening.

Before going to the exercise, let’s look at each level briefly.

Drama

On the surface is the Drama—full-on emotions—the “oh-my-god-I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening-to-me” reaction. There is no sense of personal responsibility at this level; the blame for whatever is going wrong is pointed elsewhere. Reactive questions might include: Whose fault is this? How could this happen to me? Can you believe he/she/they did that? What were they thinking? Why me?

For a very short time, the Drama level might serve by giving us space to “vent” pent-up energy and emotions. A quick release may be helpful. However, when we find ourselves telling some version of the same story again and again, the Drama starts to feed on itself, setting up a downward emotional spiral. It becomes a trap. Therefore, the sooner we can step beyond Drama to the other levels, the better for all concerned.

Situation

Moving from Drama into Situation, we step underneath the surface and emotional reactions and begin to analyze what is going on. In Situation, we’re looking for the facts—the linear cause and effect unfolding of events, what is happening now as a result, what is working, and what is not. And we’re looking for solutions and resolutions. We ask, “How do we fix it?” The primary objective is to make everything ok again. It’s all about returning to “normal.” We’re eager to move on and put the issue behind us.

Sometimes a practical solution is all that is needed. Yet in the complexities of today’s rapidly changing and turbulent world, many of our circumstances are beyond “fixing.” It’s time for new approaches, systems, and structures. Yet what are they, and how? When we get overwhelmed, sometimes we tend to lean back towards Drama. We just want quick relief from all that is spiraling out of control. It’s hard to accept that there are many layers to what is happening. It’s uncomfortable or inconvenient to bring hidden truths to the surface. And so, we do our best to patch things up, smooth things over, and find a way forward that makes things ok again. However, the “fix” is likely to be short-lived if the deeper causes or issues are not addressed.

Unfortunately, too often the Situation level is as far as we go. We have been well trained to either look for someone or something else to blame, or to be good “problem solvers.” When we approach life from the perspective of, “Things happen to us, and we just have to deal with them,” we become victims of our circumstances. We’re not so good at openly acknowledging that there might be something bigger trying to get our attention. We prefer immediate answers and solutions.

Yet all is not lost. If we are willing to take a deeper look, crossing into the third level of Choice invites a shift in consciousness and new doors of possibility open.

Choice

Stepping into Choice, we cross a threshold into presence. We stretch beyond “choices” of how to fix things into choosing who we will be—how we will show up to what is happening. Choice brings us into relational awareness: What kind of relationship do we choose to have with what is happening? What “presence” do we choose to bring to the present moment?

In Choice, we acknowledge that while we may not be able to control our initial thought, we can choose our second thought. Our first thought reaction often flashes without warning because we’re caught by surprise. However, we can learn to catch that first reaction and redirect our focus for a more considered response. It is the intentional second thought response that can usher us across the threshold from Situation into Choice.

Similarly, while we may not be able to change what is happening right away, we can choose who we will be within that circumstance. And that’s a huge step forward in claiming responsibility for our choices, decisions, and actions. We are no longer victims; we’re reclaiming our own agency. We are choosing how we will engage and co-creating with life rather than allowing life to simply “happen” to us. From this place, we start to create something new. The door is now open for transformation and sustainable change.

So, the leading question in Choice:

Who do I choose to be?

Aspects of that question might include: What role have I played leading up to this moment, and what role am I playing right now? What role do I choose to play going forward?

Opportunity

From Choice, we can easily step into the fourth level, Opportunity. In Opportunity, our first question is: “What wants to happen?” Now we’re getting to the true power of the moment, the true power hidden within the “edge.” We acknowledge that circumstances are unfolding in this way for a reason, even if we don’t yet fully understand what that reason is. We trust that there are messages within what is unfolding. Sometimes we can sense a direct correlation between Drama and Opportunity. Often, the bigger the drama, the greater the opportunity. We may begin to see how the Drama was a wake-up call, alerting us that something was trying to get our attention—to shift or transform.

Once we have identified the Opportunity, we look back to Choice, often with more clarity or insight about who we choose to be within the circumstance and what role we choose to play. Then from the awareness we gained in Opportunity and Choice, we can look back to Situation and realize that our relationship to what is happening has shifted.

When we live primarily from Drama and Situation, our focus tends to be on struggle and problem solving. We can get stuck in a pattern of going from one challenge or crisis to another. We live in reaction more than in response, giving away our power to something outside of us.

However, when we engage with life primarily from Choice and Opportunity, we take our power back. Consciously choosing who we will be in relationship to our circumstances empowers us to break free from struggle and create new realities. We partner with the Opportunity and transform “what is” into “what wants to be.”

Four Levels of Engagement as a Practice

In my most recent book, Transformational Presence: The Tools, Skills, and Frameworks, you’ll find three different scripts or practices for working with the Four Levels of Engagement. Here’s one of them to get you started.

Before beginning this exercise, prepare four pieces of paper or cards to be placed on the floor of your working space. Each one should be labeled for one of the four levels and their corresponding question:

Drama
Whose fault is this?

Situation
How do I/we fix it?

Choice
Who do I/we choose to be?

Opportunity
What wants to happen here?

Place these cards on the floor of your working space or on a table in a straight path progressing from Drama to Opportunity. Leave enough space between them to allow the energy of each to be distinct from the others.

When your cards are ready, choose a topic that is asking for your attention now. It can be anything from a personal situation to something happening in your country or the world. If it easily takes you into “Drama,” that’s even better.

Let go of your judgments or assumptions about any of these four levels and let yourself fully experience them. In other words, really let yourself go into the Drama, even if you think you are too enlightened or aware to get caught there! The idea with this exercise is to experience each of the four levels as fully as possible and see what insights you gain about yourself and your topic through the process. Take a few moments to stand in each level to feel its energy as related to your topic. If you are working at a table, place your hand on each card one at a time and notice what happens when you allow yourself to “come from” that level in addressing your topic.

Having sensed the energy within you in each of the four levels in relation to your topic, now stand in the level where you feel you are right now. Be honest with yourself with no judgement. You are gathering information that will serve you as you go forward. Notice how this level is serving you. And then how it might also hold you back. Again, you are gathering information.

. . .

Now move to the level where you would be the most comfortable. If you aren’t sure, take a moment to stand in each one again. Go “shopping” to find the most comfortable level. Once you are there, be curious: What is it about this level that makes you comfortable?

. . .

Now go to the level that would be a stretch for you. It might be challenging and uncomfortable, yet you know there is something there for you. Take time to “shop” if you need to. What is it about that level that makes it a stretch?

. . .

Now go to the level that you realize would serve you right now. “Shop” if needed. What is about this level that would serve you?

. . .

Finally, go to the level where you choose to be now with your topic. Listen, sense, feel. Let it show you your next step.

Living and leading from Choice and Opportunity invites everyone involved to a higher level of consciousness where learning and constructive forward movement become possible. It opens the door to greater insight, awareness, and effective action. Transformational Presence starts with being focused and disciplined enough to step beyond the Drama, and then being courageous enough to name what is really happening deep at the core of the Situation. From there, being bold enough to choose who you will be within your situation. And then asking: “What wants to happen? What’s the opportunity available now?”

This is what it means to “partner with.” And it can show us a path forward in the complexities we face today.

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Invitations

• Free recorded Meditations for Changing Times led by Alan. More than 50 guided meditations. Choose the title that speaks to you and listen. Available for free to you anytime.

• Visit The Center for Transformational Presence website

• Consider reading one of Alan’s Books

• Explore Coaching and Mentoring with Alan

• Invite Alan to Speak to your organization or conference

• Explore Upcoming Programs in Transformational Presence

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